“Reliving the Crash”

In August of 2002 I survived a car accident. Although I can still see the van speeding toward us, I cannot bring to mind the crash itself, only its aftermath. I see the ruined windshield in front of me, the Brooklyn street, the sky and clouds. Everything is black, gray and white — no color. My husband is speaking to me from the driver’s seat, but I cannot answer him. All I know is that I do not want to move. I feel at once serene and distant. I have this thought: If I’m going to die, this is not such a bad way to go. Some time later, a man’s voice tells me that the Jaws of Life will make a lot of noise, and I think to myself, I don’t care. Read the rest of the post.